30 Miles Per Hour Gal
Many years ago I was pulled over by a Dedicated Police Officer for driving like 40 in a 30 Mile Per Hour Zone. He was all hidden in camouflage because those 30 Miles Per Hour spots are clearly warzones. So when the flashing blues from NeverLand came screeching up behind me in full action packed drama film motion, I nearly had a heart attack. The only thing missing was Bruce Willis and a SWAT Team.
Dedicated Police Officer: "Licence and registration please."
Me: (Providing both) "Oh. Sorry. Was I driving too fast?"
I have a friend who's mother was pulled over once and asked a similar question. And the Dedicated Officer said "No. We often pull people over to let them know how well they're driving." Sorta liked THAT response!
Anyway, the Dedicated Officer disappeared for a while into his Nasa Equipped car, taking his sweet time checking out my background knowing full well I was sitting around waiting, sweating, wondering...
"Shit! Do I have any outstanding parking tickets? Is my insurance up to date? Have I committed any armed robberies recently???"
FINALLY he sauntered back and said
"Maam, you realize you were doing 40 in a 30 Mile Per Hour Zone?"
This was NOT a question, by the way-it was a somber and serious assessment of "Just the facts, Maam."
ME: (Wanting to say "Well, KUDOS to YOU for nabbing the 40 Miles Per Hour Gal instead of the Green Mountain Serial Killer".)
But instead I went the (smart) kiss-up gal route and said "I apologize. I had the music up and didn't realize how fast I was going blah blah blah." Am I allowed to use the word "obsequious" here? No way was I gonna get a ticket.
Dedicated Officer: "I'll let you off with a warning this time." Obviously that armed robbery hadn't made its way to their computers yet.
So for the next few days I actually attempted to drive 30 Miles Per Hour in 30 Miles Per Hour Zones. Do you realize how SLOW 30 Miles Per Hour is? People behind me were ready to kill me, and I was frankly ready to kill myself. The experiment didn't last very long.
Flash Forward some years later...I have BECOME the 30 Miles Per Hour Gal. I drive the speed limit ALL THE TIME. It's very scary-like looking in the mirror in the morning and realizing "Oh My God! I've turned into my mother!!!"
I don't know how, why, or exactly when this happened, but if you're behind me on the road don't crawl up my ass with your highbeams on and try to give me any shit-it's genetically out of my control. Consider me the person who's keeping YOU from getting surrounded by a SWAT Team on your way home from work. Otherwise, I might just abruptly stop and let my teenage daughter loose on you.
Dedicated Police Officer: "Licence and registration please."
Me: (Providing both) "Oh. Sorry. Was I driving too fast?"
I have a friend who's mother was pulled over once and asked a similar question. And the Dedicated Officer said "No. We often pull people over to let them know how well they're driving." Sorta liked THAT response!
Anyway, the Dedicated Officer disappeared for a while into his Nasa Equipped car, taking his sweet time checking out my background knowing full well I was sitting around waiting, sweating, wondering...
"Shit! Do I have any outstanding parking tickets? Is my insurance up to date? Have I committed any armed robberies recently???"
FINALLY he sauntered back and said
"Maam, you realize you were doing 40 in a 30 Mile Per Hour Zone?"
This was NOT a question, by the way-it was a somber and serious assessment of "Just the facts, Maam."
ME: (Wanting to say "Well, KUDOS to YOU for nabbing the 40 Miles Per Hour Gal instead of the Green Mountain Serial Killer".)
But instead I went the (smart) kiss-up gal route and said "I apologize. I had the music up and didn't realize how fast I was going blah blah blah." Am I allowed to use the word "obsequious" here? No way was I gonna get a ticket.
Dedicated Officer: "I'll let you off with a warning this time." Obviously that armed robbery hadn't made its way to their computers yet.
So for the next few days I actually attempted to drive 30 Miles Per Hour in 30 Miles Per Hour Zones. Do you realize how SLOW 30 Miles Per Hour is? People behind me were ready to kill me, and I was frankly ready to kill myself. The experiment didn't last very long.
Flash Forward some years later...I have BECOME the 30 Miles Per Hour Gal. I drive the speed limit ALL THE TIME. It's very scary-like looking in the mirror in the morning and realizing "Oh My God! I've turned into my mother!!!"
I don't know how, why, or exactly when this happened, but if you're behind me on the road don't crawl up my ass with your highbeams on and try to give me any shit-it's genetically out of my control. Consider me the person who's keeping YOU from getting surrounded by a SWAT Team on your way home from work. Otherwise, I might just abruptly stop and let my teenage daughter loose on you.
posted by Bemisdown at 5:53 PM
6 Comments:
zouhuaguan,
I think you're looking for the Rachel Ray blog.
Or maybe some new contacts might be in order.
Yeah, like that one time that Carl Sagan flew 196,000 miles per second through a nebula.
zouhuaquan:
Unless you brought samples of tasty recipes, please leave us to our silliness.
Sincerely,
Cake
As for the actual blog...
I've always been a good girl with a tendency to cause trouble. I don't think that's ever going to change...stay tuned. ;)
Motheragawd,
Busted on that one. Spices=salt. Maybe pepper.
But I'm well known at all the local pizza joints.
Cake,
The good girl who causes trouble.....
I'm waiting for the REAL dirt now.
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