The REAL 2006 Person of the Year
WARNING: The following is a little more heartfelt than my usual posts. But I'm allowed to be sentimental SOMETIMES.
The REAL 2006 Person of the Year
I know. The honor of making this choice is usually given to Time Magazine, but those eggheads completely dropped the ball this year by making "YOU" (and I guess me too) Person of the Year.
We aren't. We know it. Maybe next year once I put the finishing touches on this cure for cancer powder drink I've been working on. But not this year.
So I guess I'll do the job that the slackers at Time Magazine couldn't pull off given that tough 365 day deadline.
Drumroll please.....
The REAL 2006 Person of the Year is....
My friend Joanie (Real Name: Joanie).
You're probably thinking "Joanie??? What did SHE do to get Person of the Year? And I don't even know her!"
Well, I don't know "YOU" (or is that "ME?") but Time Magazine STILL made "US" Person/People of the Year, when I've got a much better candidate. So I'm going to continue making my case.
Joanie takes that whole "lemons to lemonade" thing to new levels.
1. Despite obstacles that might have the rest of us shopping at the Cyanide Store, Joanie always figures out a way to make things work out.
2. She works approximately 60 hours a week at a job she hates and still manages, without the assistance of a spouse, to attend every one of her two young kids' games, meets, and other events.
3. She makes every holiday special, regardless of the circumstances.
4. She'll stay up for however long it takes to help her procrastinating progeny with school projects even though she has to blast out by 7 A.M. the next morning to get to the job she hates on time.
5. She takes care of other people's pets when they can't house them anymore.
6. She's risen me from the dead on more than a couple of occasions (I'll spare you the details...and NO....she's not Joanie Jesus or Jesus Joanie or whatever sounds better. But in times of crisis, don't ask the spiritual bumper sticker question "What Would Jesus Do?" Ask the PRACTICAL question "What Would Joanie Do?)
7. She (almost) never loses her temper-she's got a 15 year old daughter, so she's forgiven those rare moments.
8. If there was a Holy Shit Hurricane headed in our direction, Joanie would bake some pies in an oven that doesn't work, build a hurricane shelter, manage to rig up some electricity in the shelter so we could watch movies until the hurricane passed, and then get up the next morning and start rebuilding her house (made that one up, but you can bet I'm hanging out with her during the next hurricane).
9. She doesn't dwell.
10. She loves my children as much as I love hers, and her door is always open to us.
You get the picture. Everyone needs a Joanie (Real Name: Joanie) in their lives.
Are you listening Time Magazine Losers? And are you ready for your photo shoot Joanie?
The REAL 2006 Person of the Year
I know. The honor of making this choice is usually given to Time Magazine, but those eggheads completely dropped the ball this year by making "YOU" (and I guess me too) Person of the Year.
We aren't. We know it. Maybe next year once I put the finishing touches on this cure for cancer powder drink I've been working on. But not this year.
So I guess I'll do the job that the slackers at Time Magazine couldn't pull off given that tough 365 day deadline.
Drumroll please.....
The REAL 2006 Person of the Year is....
My friend Joanie (Real Name: Joanie).
You're probably thinking "Joanie??? What did SHE do to get Person of the Year? And I don't even know her!"
Well, I don't know "YOU" (or is that "ME?") but Time Magazine STILL made "US" Person/People of the Year, when I've got a much better candidate. So I'm going to continue making my case.
Joanie takes that whole "lemons to lemonade" thing to new levels.
1. Despite obstacles that might have the rest of us shopping at the Cyanide Store, Joanie always figures out a way to make things work out.
2. She works approximately 60 hours a week at a job she hates and still manages, without the assistance of a spouse, to attend every one of her two young kids' games, meets, and other events.
3. She makes every holiday special, regardless of the circumstances.
4. She'll stay up for however long it takes to help her procrastinating progeny with school projects even though she has to blast out by 7 A.M. the next morning to get to the job she hates on time.
5. She takes care of other people's pets when they can't house them anymore.
6. She's risen me from the dead on more than a couple of occasions (I'll spare you the details...and NO....she's not Joanie Jesus or Jesus Joanie or whatever sounds better. But in times of crisis, don't ask the spiritual bumper sticker question "What Would Jesus Do?" Ask the PRACTICAL question "What Would Joanie Do?)
7. She (almost) never loses her temper-she's got a 15 year old daughter, so she's forgiven those rare moments.
8. If there was a Holy Shit Hurricane headed in our direction, Joanie would bake some pies in an oven that doesn't work, build a hurricane shelter, manage to rig up some electricity in the shelter so we could watch movies until the hurricane passed, and then get up the next morning and start rebuilding her house (made that one up, but you can bet I'm hanging out with her during the next hurricane).
9. She doesn't dwell.
10. She loves my children as much as I love hers, and her door is always open to us.
You get the picture. Everyone needs a Joanie (Real Name: Joanie) in their lives.
Are you listening Time Magazine Losers? And are you ready for your photo shoot Joanie?
posted by Bemisdown at 2:18 PM
12 Comments:
It's like that song "Elvis is Everywhere" by Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper.
Clinky,
Forgive me. But is there a Clinky-to-English translation book I should purchase?
Does Joanie have nice cans?
I hope so...I love nice cans
I have a Joanie in my life, too (though mine doesn't have nice cans, which will disappoint IANO and StuckBoy)...everyone really does need a Joanie of their own.
Very nice post. Happy 2007!
My Joanie can beat your Joanie.
Dear Cake,
Am I your Joanie? I have nice cans. Smallish man cans.
And just for the record:
I gave the Cans of the Year award to Bemisdown.
A pair of puppies that just don't quit...
IANO:
Thanks for the honor. I'm speechless. Really.
I, of course,am not at liberty to discuss Joanie's cans.
How about a picture, then? Can you post a can picture?? Please??
IANO & SWAC:
It's strange though....whatever I write about, either Ending World Peace, Freeing Tibet, etc., you guys manage to turn the conversation in the direction of my cans (AKA: boobs, knockers, tits, puppies..)
But then I thought "What else is new?"
I appreciate your appreciation of my cans so much I might just write a blog about them. Both of them. Just for you guys.
I posted earlier and then remembered later that I have two Joanies. Or maybe even three...so hard to choose.
But one does, in fact, have nice cans.
Post a Comment
<< Home