I Like SOME Cats
Those who've been stuck with me for a long time, in sickness and in health and in various states of mental retardation know that I was the world's official Numero Uno Cat Stevens fan (Numero Uno: Latin for "The Most Obsessed").
I loved him loved him loved him loved him.
I had every one of his albums and played them constantly.
I knew every song he ever sang by heart.
I had posters of him on my bedroom wall.
I drove everyone around me crazy enough to yell stuff like "TURN THE GODDAM CAT STEVENS DOWN ALREADY OR I'M GONNA TAKE A WEED WACKER TO THOSE POSTERS!!!"
I was certainly going to marry him. Mrs. Cat Stevens. That was ME. I expected to someday say proudly "How do you do? I'm Mrs. Cat Stevens. Would you care for some Tea For The Tillerman? " Only Mrs. Cat Stevens could say stuff like that. And it should've been me.
But then he became a freak.
This is the kind of shit that happens to me all the time. The guy I was SUPPOSED to marry became a freak, and the guy I DID marry became a freak.
Cat Stevens found God (Allah) at a beach in Malibu where I guess God (Allah) hangs out.
So he changed his name (which I suppose wasn't a BAD thing-I mean, "Cat" isn't exactly the most dignified adult name- but at least he wasn't Racoon Stevens or Anteater Stevens or, worse yet, Moose Stevens).
He stopped singing.
He did weird interviews.
He turned up on the news occasionally for not being allowed into countries such as our own and saying stupid things that offended people enough that they burned his CDS in the same pile with the Dixie Chicks.
Obviously he was unaware of how totally he pissed me off. I had to completely change my life plans because of him and God (Allah) and shit. Thanks a lot Cat. Or Yusef. Or Fred....whatever you call yourself these days.
But now he's back with a new Nonfreakish CD. He sounds almost normal in his interviews. And the CD.....that voice hasn't changed a bit. Sigh....
Maybe he needed the money. Maybe he went to Malibu and had a heart to heart with God (Allah) who told him "Better do another CD...Bemis has been pissed at you for years."
But I ain't trusting him THIS time around. No siree. I've got other plans Cat Stevens Yusef Islam Fred that do NOT include you.
But if you wanna give me a call....
I loved him loved him loved him loved him.
I had every one of his albums and played them constantly.
I knew every song he ever sang by heart.
I had posters of him on my bedroom wall.
I drove everyone around me crazy enough to yell stuff like "TURN THE GODDAM CAT STEVENS DOWN ALREADY OR I'M GONNA TAKE A WEED WACKER TO THOSE POSTERS!!!"
I was certainly going to marry him. Mrs. Cat Stevens. That was ME. I expected to someday say proudly "How do you do? I'm Mrs. Cat Stevens. Would you care for some Tea For The Tillerman? " Only Mrs. Cat Stevens could say stuff like that. And it should've been me.
But then he became a freak.
This is the kind of shit that happens to me all the time. The guy I was SUPPOSED to marry became a freak, and the guy I DID marry became a freak.
Cat Stevens found God (Allah) at a beach in Malibu where I guess God (Allah) hangs out.
So he changed his name (which I suppose wasn't a BAD thing-I mean, "Cat" isn't exactly the most dignified adult name- but at least he wasn't Racoon Stevens or Anteater Stevens or, worse yet, Moose Stevens).
He stopped singing.
He did weird interviews.
He turned up on the news occasionally for not being allowed into countries such as our own and saying stupid things that offended people enough that they burned his CDS in the same pile with the Dixie Chicks.
Obviously he was unaware of how totally he pissed me off. I had to completely change my life plans because of him and God (Allah) and shit. Thanks a lot Cat. Or Yusef. Or Fred....whatever you call yourself these days.
But now he's back with a new Nonfreakish CD. He sounds almost normal in his interviews. And the CD.....that voice hasn't changed a bit. Sigh....
Maybe he needed the money. Maybe he went to Malibu and had a heart to heart with God (Allah) who told him "Better do another CD...Bemis has been pissed at you for years."
But I ain't trusting him THIS time around. No siree. I've got other plans Cat Stevens Yusef Islam Fred that do NOT include you.
But if you wanna give me a call....
posted by Bemisdown at 1:32 PM
8 Comments:
Well, aren't you a Little Miss Sunshine today.
Peace be unto your cans
Always a Little Miss Sunshine....unless I'm bitchy.
Sorry Spud....
I was getting infested by weirdos...I'm not talking about the ones I KNOW, of course.
Funny how these fantasy marriages never seem to work out. I really should've been married to John Lennon...damn!
I was just out to run an errand and the drugstore, of all places, has a display of discounted Cat Stevens albums set up by the cash.
I kid you not.
I nearly started laughing when I saw it...
mzmatch,
I KNOW that everytime Cat Stevens ended up in the news you would immediately think of me.
Imagine all of the wasted years praising Allah when he could have been doing fun stuff, like watching American Idol and going to Disneyland with ME, the should've been Mrs. Cat Stevens.
His loss.
Cake,
My girls wanted to get me the new CD for Christmas but it was sold out everywhere (I ordered it on Amazon).
Apparently there are a bunch of other folks out there who think THEY'RE the real Mrs. Cat Stevens.
But they are sadly mistaken.
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