A Respectful Goodbye
As you know, Americans have spent the past several days saying goodbye to our 38th President, Mr. Betty Ford Clinic.
By all accounts, his death was a peaceful one. He hung from the noose for approximately five minutes before...whoopsie! Wrong Death! Don't tell...I'm just an intern here.
While President Betty Ford Clinic was known primarily for falling down and pardoning Nixon, according to the eulogies I sort of listened to last night, he did a bunch of other stuff too. A WHOLE bunch of other stuff.
But in a fitting tribute to President Betty Ford Clinic, one Distinguished Guest who wasn't feeling well attempted to leave, but as soon as he stood up from his chair he fell down. So then a bunch of doctors and paramedics appeared out of nowhere with wheelchairs and tubes and other medical looking paraphenalia and carted the guy away.
God Bless You Distinguished American for doing exactly what President Betty Ford Clinic would've done had he been alive for his own funeral!
During the interruption, the television cameras panned to the coffin and commentators made a very big deal about how it was resting on the very same wooden slab built for Abe Lincoln.
Ummmm...Sorry guys. I'm just not buying that. Abe was TALL...putting him on that slab of wood would be like me making my teenage daughter sleep on a toddler bed. There would've been Presidential feet dangling over the edge, the Presidential top hat repeatedly falling off his Presidential head onto the floor with Union Soldiers scrambling to pick it up:
Union Soldier # 1: "Anyone here have a right arm? I've got a left one, but I'm a righty."
Union Soldier # 2: (Raising lone right arm) "I do! I can help! The hand's missing a couple of fingers though..."
Union Soldier # 1: "Fine. You'll do. Anyone here have two legs left? I'll take a leg and a half if that's all you've got!"
Anyway, I nodded off during the rest of the ceremony. But you can bet it was profound and respectful.
Goodbye President Betty Ford Clinic. Your shrine is sure to be visited by many celebrities in the years to come.
By all accounts, his death was a peaceful one. He hung from the noose for approximately five minutes before...whoopsie! Wrong Death! Don't tell...I'm just an intern here.
While President Betty Ford Clinic was known primarily for falling down and pardoning Nixon, according to the eulogies I sort of listened to last night, he did a bunch of other stuff too. A WHOLE bunch of other stuff.
But in a fitting tribute to President Betty Ford Clinic, one Distinguished Guest who wasn't feeling well attempted to leave, but as soon as he stood up from his chair he fell down. So then a bunch of doctors and paramedics appeared out of nowhere with wheelchairs and tubes and other medical looking paraphenalia and carted the guy away.
God Bless You Distinguished American for doing exactly what President Betty Ford Clinic would've done had he been alive for his own funeral!
During the interruption, the television cameras panned to the coffin and commentators made a very big deal about how it was resting on the very same wooden slab built for Abe Lincoln.
Ummmm...Sorry guys. I'm just not buying that. Abe was TALL...putting him on that slab of wood would be like me making my teenage daughter sleep on a toddler bed. There would've been Presidential feet dangling over the edge, the Presidential top hat repeatedly falling off his Presidential head onto the floor with Union Soldiers scrambling to pick it up:
Union Soldier # 1: "Anyone here have a right arm? I've got a left one, but I'm a righty."
Union Soldier # 2: (Raising lone right arm) "I do! I can help! The hand's missing a couple of fingers though..."
Union Soldier # 1: "Fine. You'll do. Anyone here have two legs left? I'll take a leg and a half if that's all you've got!"
Anyway, I nodded off during the rest of the ceremony. But you can bet it was profound and respectful.
Goodbye President Betty Ford Clinic. Your shrine is sure to be visited by many celebrities in the years to come.
posted by Bemisdown at 9:46 AM
3 Comments:
Wasn't Abe shot? How much damage was their to his head? Maybe he ended up a little shorter in death then he was in life.
I'm grasping at straws, here...I hope I at least get marks for effort.
"Was THERE to his head"...glad I don't work as an editor or something.
A for Effort cake.
But Abe had a head-it just had a big hole in it.
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