I CAN Write About My Cans

I own a couple of boobs. We adults refer to them as "breasts," But for obvious reasons they will be referred to here as "cans." I'm not sure if I'm allowed to refer to them in the singular, as in "my left can was in better form than my right can in that particular dress," but I'll do the best I "can."

Anyway, my cans have been with me pretty much my whole life. In fact, they became particularly obvious around the same time I met a couple of guys in junior high school. These guys almost instantly became my buddies. It was an odd coincidence-I developed cans AND new buddies AT THE SAME TIME!

At first I was little uncomfortable with my new cans. Boys would have conversations with me without actually looking at my face. Grown men (creeps) would make comments about them as I walked down the street. Should I be embarrassed, I wondered? Should I hide them under enormous sweaters so maybe noone would notice them?

Shit no! I had CANS and the world was gonna have to get used to them. I believe I stood on top of a mountain and hollared to God "I'LL NEVER PRETEND I"M CANLESS AGAIN!!!!" (Made that up, but I sorta wish I'd done that.)

As it turns out, my cans have been very good to me throughout the years. I take all can related comments as compliments. Never received a verbal or written complaint from a boyfriend regarding them. And even shortly after my divorce from my gay husband (who,in hindsight,really had no use for my cans) I received the following soothing comment from a gay male friend:

"Don't worry. You'll find another guy. You've got good breasts." (True story.)

So thank-you for the honor of acknowledging my cans IANO and SWAC. Although we haven't figured out a way to thank you properly, I'm sure we'll think of something.