Someday She'll Catch Me
First of all, this post is not for the childfree or fainthearted. But I'll make it quick.
I picked up my 14 year old from her Cross Country practice today (she's actually gone to every practice so far, and pisses and moans about it every single day. I think she's still waiting for the "parental lie" about her boobs and her butt getting bigger to materialize).
Anyway, she got into the car and said immediately "My vagina hurts."
I responded "You're vagina hurts? How come?"
And she said "Probably from all of the running I've been doing."
I could've been smart and left it at that.
But no. Instead, I STUPIDLY, IDIOTICALLY, RETARDEDLY responded by saying "Your vagina hurts from RUNNING?"
She didn't skip a beat. She said "Well, maybe it could be from all of the sex I had last night."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Can't you tell I'm still CRACKING UP over that oh-so-funny-just-what-a-mother-wants-to-hear joke? After I became immediately catatonic and my eyes popped out of my head like I had those cartoon bobbing wires attached to them, she said
"JUST KIDDING MOM!!!! OH MY GOD AHHHH!"
I need some of those puppy meds NOW.
But what scares me even more is the possibility, however remote, that she'll actually FIND this post. I'll need more than puppy meds then-I'll need EMT'S and a MEDFLIGHT to airlift me to the best hospital in the country so the doctors can remove the knives she will have plunged into my body.
Thank God there's a "delete" option, just in case.
I picked up my 14 year old from her Cross Country practice today (she's actually gone to every practice so far, and pisses and moans about it every single day. I think she's still waiting for the "parental lie" about her boobs and her butt getting bigger to materialize).
Anyway, she got into the car and said immediately "My vagina hurts."
I responded "You're vagina hurts? How come?"
And she said "Probably from all of the running I've been doing."
I could've been smart and left it at that.
But no. Instead, I STUPIDLY, IDIOTICALLY, RETARDEDLY responded by saying "Your vagina hurts from RUNNING?"
She didn't skip a beat. She said "Well, maybe it could be from all of the sex I had last night."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Can't you tell I'm still CRACKING UP over that oh-so-funny-just-what-a-mother-wants-to-hear joke? After I became immediately catatonic and my eyes popped out of my head like I had those cartoon bobbing wires attached to them, she said
"JUST KIDDING MOM!!!! OH MY GOD AHHHH!"
I need some of those puppy meds NOW.
But what scares me even more is the possibility, however remote, that she'll actually FIND this post. I'll need more than puppy meds then-I'll need EMT'S and a MEDFLIGHT to airlift me to the best hospital in the country so the doctors can remove the knives she will have plunged into my body.
Thank God there's a "delete" option, just in case.
posted by Bemisdown at 6:01 PM
8 Comments:
HA!
Sorry, I know it probably took 5 years off your life but that just totally cracked me up.
I remember my Mom trying to ground me the first time I made a joke like that as a teenager. She was all worried about me going to this mixed boy/girl party when I was maybe 13...I said I'd be sure to limit any sex I had to just one boy. She was furious...and it's still funny, all these years later.
Great response Cake!!!! Moms LOVE the extra gray hairs!
Has my daughter been giving my daughter pointers something?
Cake,
Too stupid to delete the comment-but what I MEANT to say was...
GREAT response to your mother!
And has my daughter been getting tips from you?
Ignore Comment Number #2, as it sounds as if I've spent a week in a van with Cheech and Chong.
I do NOT love my computer.
My vagina is hurting also. Mostly from punching it.
I was kidding. I don't really have a sore vagina.
Nooprah,
I can't even figure out the LOGISTICS of what you "said" you did. Be kind to your vagina.
And by the way Holy Mother,
Your response to Nooprah cracked me up.
I think I just know him too well to be disturbed by anything he says anymore.
And don't you have some "special powers" to make sure "you know who" never sees anything I write?
I hardly EVER ask any favors of you Holy Folks.
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