Back To School...For Real

I go back to school tomorrow for real. By "for real" I mean there will be actual kids there whose names I'm going to have to learn. And I'm going to have to teach them stuff.

Last week we had our annual required "faculty" day where we basically just listened to speeches. First our Superintendent of Schools rolled up in her $80,000 vehicle and gave us a speech about how broke the school is, how we'll probably have to supply our own toilet paper this year, and then told us what an amazing inspiration we are to the future of America. Then our Principal gave us a speech and told us how broke we are, provided an inspirational story about how important we are to the lives our students, and sat us all in a circle so we could hold hands and sing Kumbaya. (Kidding about the last part! But he would if he thought he could get away with it!) With my many years of experience I've come to understand why the adults in those Charlie Brown cartoons sound like mooses mating (And no-I've never listened to mating mooses-I'm just guessing) because that's pretty much the way my bosses sound to me on these days. And they don't even have the courtesy to supply us with drugs and alcohol on this important inspirational occasion.

Notice how busy I am preparing my lessons? I just know too much to bother. The first day of school ALWAYS comes as a suprise to those in charge. Our computers won't work, textbooks will still be "on their way," and our generated class lists will bear no resemblance to the eager-to-learn teenagers who show up and occupy the desks in our classrooms (the desks, by the way, will almost certainly be glued to the floor because the crack cleaning company hired over the summer will have washed and waxed without bothering to actually move them).

But at least SOME OF US (Read: ME) know what we're doing and will manage, despite all obstacles, to iron out the kinks and make the day work. All, of course, while being extremely inspirational.