Kids With Cans
They may not be the biggest problem facing our nation today, but they're right up there with health care and Social Security.
I'm talking about those cute kids who stand in front of grocery stores and convenience stores all dressed up in their adorable little league or mini cheerleading outfits and shove a can in your face "requesting" that you give them some money for their particular cause.
They stress me out.
Sometimes their parents are with them, giving you that "If you don't stop and dig through your purse and find some money to put in my kid's can then you are a scumbag loser mass murderer" look. I HATE Kids With Cans.
And for some reason, they're all out on the same day. So if you need to do some errands, suddenly the world is infested by Kids With Cans.
Stop at the local 7-11 to grab a soda and who's standing by the door? Kids With Cans.
Grocery Store: Kids With Cans
Wal-Mart: Kids With Cans
Bank, Post Office, Dry Cleaners: More Fucking Kids With Cans.
And something tells me that if I were to go to my local Wal-Mart and told the manager that I was a little down on my luck and could I please stand in front of his store and beg, he would have Security escort me out and my picture would be forever posted in the employee break room as a person who was NEVER allowed in the store again.
But not KIDS With Cans.
I personally think they're worse than those cashiers who are instructed to ask you "Would you like to donate a dollar to the Jimmy Fund?" whenever you buy a pack of gum. I very very badly WANT to say "If I wanted to donate a dollar to the Jimmy Fund then I'd put a dollar in an envelope and send it to the fucking Jimmy Fund!" But I'm too polite. I Just Say No (Thanks Nancy-that phrase comes in handy sometimes!). Which still translates into "You're a cheap bitch who won't even cough up a buck for children with severe disabilities."
But I still don't mind them as much as the Kids With Cans.
Can we make them go away please?
I'm talking about those cute kids who stand in front of grocery stores and convenience stores all dressed up in their adorable little league or mini cheerleading outfits and shove a can in your face "requesting" that you give them some money for their particular cause.
They stress me out.
Sometimes their parents are with them, giving you that "If you don't stop and dig through your purse and find some money to put in my kid's can then you are a scumbag loser mass murderer" look. I HATE Kids With Cans.
And for some reason, they're all out on the same day. So if you need to do some errands, suddenly the world is infested by Kids With Cans.
Stop at the local 7-11 to grab a soda and who's standing by the door? Kids With Cans.
Grocery Store: Kids With Cans
Wal-Mart: Kids With Cans
Bank, Post Office, Dry Cleaners: More Fucking Kids With Cans.
And something tells me that if I were to go to my local Wal-Mart and told the manager that I was a little down on my luck and could I please stand in front of his store and beg, he would have Security escort me out and my picture would be forever posted in the employee break room as a person who was NEVER allowed in the store again.
But not KIDS With Cans.
I personally think they're worse than those cashiers who are instructed to ask you "Would you like to donate a dollar to the Jimmy Fund?" whenever you buy a pack of gum. I very very badly WANT to say "If I wanted to donate a dollar to the Jimmy Fund then I'd put a dollar in an envelope and send it to the fucking Jimmy Fund!" But I'm too polite. I Just Say No (Thanks Nancy-that phrase comes in handy sometimes!). Which still translates into "You're a cheap bitch who won't even cough up a buck for children with severe disabilities."
But I still don't mind them as much as the Kids With Cans.
Can we make them go away please?
posted by Bemisdown at 8:46 AM
5 Comments:
My pat answer is:
"Not today...but thank you for asking"
And remind me to tell you my Jimmy Fund cannister story.
Offline.
That's unusually polite of you.
Can't wait to hear the story-it must be REALLY good if you won't post it online.
Last year, one of the children's clubs around here decided it'd be a great idea to get their little gap-toothed, pig-tailed, Children with Cans to sell apples to raise money.
$1 per apple.
The geniuses decided to set up at the entrance to a grocery store...you know, which sells apples for $1/pound (or whatever). Losers.
aerosol cans?? wow
Or how about those overweight Kids with HUGE cans?
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