School Sports
Back to school doesn't mean I'M the only one walking through the Gates of Hell for another fun packed year. My daughters are going back as well.
First there's the back to school shopping, which MUST involve the Mall. I am one of those people who would rather do a tour of duty in Iraq than go to the Mall, especially with two daughters. But, according to the pre and full blown pubescent experts on these matters, you can't wear ANYTHING in public unless its purchased at the Mall. So in my thinking, an $80.00 pair of pre-ripped jeans (bought at an acceptable store) and a $40.00 vest the size of a table napkin (again, purchased at an approved retail spot, IN THE MALL) might be cheaper than a lifetime of therapy for my poor children should they arrive at school in clothing acquired at an unacceptable location. It would be the equivalent of showing up on the first day wearing plaid skirts, "Hello Kitty" tee shirts, and penny loafers. Their lives would be officially over. (Although I think that's the oufit I might wear on MY first day...)
Secondly, both of my daughters are involved in sports. Sports are good, as long as I'm not playing them. Now my youngest has been playing soccer since she could crawl (I'm pretty sure they have a "Crawling Baby Soccer League" in my town) and she loves it. But her involvement isn't "school associated" yet, so I have no concerns about her. Besides, she's a great student, wants to achieve, and is kind and polite to her teachers and classmates.
But my oldest is going into the 9th grade and will be starting the year on the school's Cross Country team. She's FAST-and those genes
don't come from my side of the family. As much as I hate to give him any credit, my ex was a state ranked track runner in his day and coached runners for decades (Although, just to give MY family its due, my brother Richard spent a good portion of his adolesence running from the police-while there may have been noone there with a stopwatch...just a gun and a flashlight... he obviously had some skills). But she's also lazy.
I'm not sure she "gets it," but high school sports involve practices EVERYDAY, rain, shine, hailstorms, volcanic eruptions...whatever. And the actual running part may compromise her eyeliner or worse yet, make her hair frizzy. And what if her teamates aren't "cool?" What if she doesn't win EVERY Meet? What if What if What if????
She'll start, because both my ex and I have her convinced that running will make her butt and her boobs bigger (don't ask-it's the latest adolescent girl bodily obsession). And I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she'll follow through on the season. She's my kid, afterall, and at least she had enough sense to dismiss Cheerleading
as "retarded."
First there's the back to school shopping, which MUST involve the Mall. I am one of those people who would rather do a tour of duty in Iraq than go to the Mall, especially with two daughters. But, according to the pre and full blown pubescent experts on these matters, you can't wear ANYTHING in public unless its purchased at the Mall. So in my thinking, an $80.00 pair of pre-ripped jeans (bought at an acceptable store) and a $40.00 vest the size of a table napkin (again, purchased at an approved retail spot, IN THE MALL) might be cheaper than a lifetime of therapy for my poor children should they arrive at school in clothing acquired at an unacceptable location. It would be the equivalent of showing up on the first day wearing plaid skirts, "Hello Kitty" tee shirts, and penny loafers. Their lives would be officially over. (Although I think that's the oufit I might wear on MY first day...)
Secondly, both of my daughters are involved in sports. Sports are good, as long as I'm not playing them. Now my youngest has been playing soccer since she could crawl (I'm pretty sure they have a "Crawling Baby Soccer League" in my town) and she loves it. But her involvement isn't "school associated" yet, so I have no concerns about her. Besides, she's a great student, wants to achieve, and is kind and polite to her teachers and classmates.
But my oldest is going into the 9th grade and will be starting the year on the school's Cross Country team. She's FAST-and those genes
don't come from my side of the family. As much as I hate to give him any credit, my ex was a state ranked track runner in his day and coached runners for decades (Although, just to give MY family its due, my brother Richard spent a good portion of his adolesence running from the police-while there may have been noone there with a stopwatch...just a gun and a flashlight... he obviously had some skills). But she's also lazy.
I'm not sure she "gets it," but high school sports involve practices EVERYDAY, rain, shine, hailstorms, volcanic eruptions...whatever. And the actual running part may compromise her eyeliner or worse yet, make her hair frizzy. And what if her teamates aren't "cool?" What if she doesn't win EVERY Meet? What if What if What if????
She'll start, because both my ex and I have her convinced that running will make her butt and her boobs bigger (don't ask-it's the latest adolescent girl bodily obsession). And I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she'll follow through on the season. She's my kid, afterall, and at least she had enough sense to dismiss Cheerleading
as "retarded."
posted by Bemisdown at 9:55 AM
7 Comments:
>>>>my ex and I have her convinced that running will make her butt and her boobs bigger<<<<<<<<<<<
You must have ran a lot more than you ever told us. A LOT MORE.
Ok-Maybe this is TMI....
But my daughter hugged me the other day and said "Mom, your boobs are really big."
So I said "Fine. I'll get a breast reduction then."
And she said "No way mom. Those babies are your money makers."
Kids say the darndest things. Brat.
And what's wrong with my butt, nooprah?
Go ahead...answer THAT question diplomatically.
I was waiting for that question! Ha!
Just remember, whatever his answer is...he IS retarded, so not really responsible for what he says. We have to give the "special" ones some extra room, after all.
Thanks Cake.
No matter what he says,he better not mention one word about my butt (unless it's something good, of course). My breasts have been the subject of open conversation for as long as I can remember-chat away nooprah-I could care less.
But he gets no extra consideration when it comes to my butt. I don't care how "special" his needs are-it's MY backside he's attacking and I'm going to defend it. Period. And it's just fine by the way, thank-you.
Oh that NoOprah!
It's a flawless butt. But...
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