Confessions of a True Blue New Englander
Since I'm going for the "fresh start" thing, I decided to make one teeny eenie weenie confession public (and don't be concerned-it's not about my sex life....it may be a little worse to some of you though).
Allow me to preface: I've lived in New England my entire life (a year abroad in "Old England" doesn't count). I've endured a lifetime of trying to warm my car up at 6 AM for a half hour during Winters and shoveling truckloads of snow manually (what's the point of snow, anyway?), enjoying "Springs" which last approximately two days, and frolicking in the Atlantic when the water is about 40 degrees during August. (Yeah, Autumn's nice, but I have to go back to school, so I don't even count it as a season-it's just a stress inducer).
I love New England.
So here's my confession; I've never once been to Fenway Park. Ever. I don't even know what the "Green Monster" is (I know what the "Liquid Monster" is, but I don't think they're related). If you were an out of towner and asked me directions to Fenway, even if I had a map, compass, astrolabe, power drill, and a group of idiots standing behind me with poster boards that said "I Have A Sign" I'd still say "Take Rt. 1 to Boston and then find someone who's been there."
I've made this confession to a select few friends, and they've looked at me like I was Andrea Yates. I KNOW it's a cultural icon, I KNOW I should at LEAST visit the hallowed ground once (I even won tickets to a game during a workplace raffle last year and gave them away), I KNOW it's the Mecca of Baseball. But I'm just not all that interested. I've never gazed at the "real" Mona Lisa either-does that make me some kind of a criminal?
I do all of the other New England stuff (I saw the "Old Man of the Mountain"several times before his facelift gave way, for example, and I say "wicked" constantly) but I guess Fenway just doesn't top my "Must Visit" list. Does this make me a treasonous New Englander?
So you know what will happen now? When I die, my obituary will state my name and age, accompanied by the headline "Never Went To Fenway Park." No good deeds I've ever performed during my lifetime would would overshadow this one little infraction. And then noone will come to my funeral, including my own family.
Allow me to preface: I've lived in New England my entire life (a year abroad in "Old England" doesn't count). I've endured a lifetime of trying to warm my car up at 6 AM for a half hour during Winters and shoveling truckloads of snow manually (what's the point of snow, anyway?), enjoying "Springs" which last approximately two days, and frolicking in the Atlantic when the water is about 40 degrees during August. (Yeah, Autumn's nice, but I have to go back to school, so I don't even count it as a season-it's just a stress inducer).
I love New England.
So here's my confession; I've never once been to Fenway Park. Ever. I don't even know what the "Green Monster" is (I know what the "Liquid Monster" is, but I don't think they're related). If you were an out of towner and asked me directions to Fenway, even if I had a map, compass, astrolabe, power drill, and a group of idiots standing behind me with poster boards that said "I Have A Sign" I'd still say "Take Rt. 1 to Boston and then find someone who's been there."
I've made this confession to a select few friends, and they've looked at me like I was Andrea Yates. I KNOW it's a cultural icon, I KNOW I should at LEAST visit the hallowed ground once (I even won tickets to a game during a workplace raffle last year and gave them away), I KNOW it's the Mecca of Baseball. But I'm just not all that interested. I've never gazed at the "real" Mona Lisa either-does that make me some kind of a criminal?
I do all of the other New England stuff (I saw the "Old Man of the Mountain"several times before his facelift gave way, for example, and I say "wicked" constantly) but I guess Fenway just doesn't top my "Must Visit" list. Does this make me a treasonous New Englander?
So you know what will happen now? When I die, my obituary will state my name and age, accompanied by the headline "Never Went To Fenway Park." No good deeds I've ever performed during my lifetime would would overshadow this one little infraction. And then noone will come to my funeral, including my own family.
posted by Bemisdown at 6:22 PM
8 Comments:
Though you might not actually be retarded you sure are borderline.
(Your loud voice would be awesome at Fenway...."Here we go Red Sox...here we go..")
So living your whole life in New England and never going to Fenway isn't a firing offense? What is?
Being a Yankees fan?
Hush your mouth.
Don't tell me to hush my mouth, retard.
So, is being a Yankees fan a firing offense or not?
As I said before in my "comment that didn't publish I hate my computer and being stupid"
While not a firing offense, I most likely cannot have a Catholic Mass said when I die.
So my instructions are to be creamated and have my ashes strewn over Fenway Park. On the Yankees fans, of course...but you never know which way the wind's gonna blow, so should I meet an untimely demise and you're at Fenway, just check your hotdog carefully.
So I will,
And by the way, I have no idea why "so I will" ended up on my post.
There's ghost in my comuter, and I'm pretty sure its Babe Ruth.
motheragawd,
Guilty on both counts. But I've already been lectured about my folly from another blood relative.
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