You're Not Taking My Hairspray!
I just read that the Ozone Layer won't recover until 2065 instead of 2050, as experts had previously thought.
HOLY SHIT!
I don't mean to get Al Gore's knickers all in a knot, but I know about as much about the Ozone as I do about mechanical engineering. I think it involves Global Warming, which has always been fine with me because I hate Winter. But far more significantly, somehow my aerosal deodorant and hairspray cans are to blame for its problems.
First of all, hairspray from any other container besides an aerosal can is just plain wimpy. I can't just "squirt squirt squirt" MY hair with some pussy nonaerosal super hold hairspray-my carefully styled do would be flatter than a saltine cracker before I made it from my front door to my car to go to work. And what happens when I become REALLY old and have to go to a salon for the traditional once a week hair treatment? Those stylists practically superglue old ladies hair to keep it from moving until their next appointments. And guess how they do it? VERY heavy applications of good old fashioned aerosal hairspray-those salons must look like gas chambers on any given Monday when the Bingo set shows up for their weekly grooming.
And in terms of aerosal deodorant vs. the roll on type? It smells better.
So what if I don't do my part for the environment on this one teeny issue? Frankly, I'm not going to be around whether the Ozone Layer recovers in 2050 OR 2065 anyway. And I DID provide the world with environmentally sound daughters who have naturally curly hair. So excuse me environmentalists if I continue to spray away. And I wish the Ozone Layer well-I'll even send it a card or something if you'd like me to-but I plan on spending my short visit on this planet looking (and smelling) as reasonably attractive as possible.
HOLY SHIT!
I don't mean to get Al Gore's knickers all in a knot, but I know about as much about the Ozone as I do about mechanical engineering. I think it involves Global Warming, which has always been fine with me because I hate Winter. But far more significantly, somehow my aerosal deodorant and hairspray cans are to blame for its problems.
First of all, hairspray from any other container besides an aerosal can is just plain wimpy. I can't just "squirt squirt squirt" MY hair with some pussy nonaerosal super hold hairspray-my carefully styled do would be flatter than a saltine cracker before I made it from my front door to my car to go to work. And what happens when I become REALLY old and have to go to a salon for the traditional once a week hair treatment? Those stylists practically superglue old ladies hair to keep it from moving until their next appointments. And guess how they do it? VERY heavy applications of good old fashioned aerosal hairspray-those salons must look like gas chambers on any given Monday when the Bingo set shows up for their weekly grooming.
And in terms of aerosal deodorant vs. the roll on type? It smells better.
So what if I don't do my part for the environment on this one teeny issue? Frankly, I'm not going to be around whether the Ozone Layer recovers in 2050 OR 2065 anyway. And I DID provide the world with environmentally sound daughters who have naturally curly hair. So excuse me environmentalists if I continue to spray away. And I wish the Ozone Layer well-I'll even send it a card or something if you'd like me to-but I plan on spending my short visit on this planet looking (and smelling) as reasonably attractive as possible.
posted by Bemisdown at 1:31 PM
5 Comments:
wow. aerosol
NEVER underestimate the power of aerosal. Although I'm not sure how YOU'RE using it.
I'm more worried about this no-liquids-on-planes thing. I never check baggage when I fly so, next time I go somewhere, I'm gonna have to buy all new toiletries at my destination.
What if I can't find my usual stuff?! I won't smell like ME! This is a disaster...someone call the President!
Cake,
Yeah. I'll bet the Flight Attendants didn't have to throw away THEIR Mary Kay hand lotions.
I think I'll go on a hunger strike over this issue (I've been looking for an excuse to go on a hunger strike anyway). I'll start right after lunch. And then you can call the President.
Motheragawd,
KFC with mashed potatoes. My daughter made me! PLEASE don't tell!
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