UnCool Is The New Cool
I just tried to be "cool" by watching the MTV Music Awards (and besides, I couldn't sleep and all of the Law & Order episodes were repeats). You know, catch up on what the "kids" are listening to, broaden my limited musical horizons, check out the new bands, and TRY, with an open mind, to figure out:
a. what the popular appeal of "Rap" is
b. how those guys can wear the equivalent of sixteen bicycle chains and a garden hose around their necks and still stand upright
c. what they are actually SAYING after they thank God (who MUST have stock invested in MTV) and start their speeches with "YOBRO"...beyond that, they might as well be speaking Dinka. Is there a "Rapper to English" translation guide I should purchase?
And the ceremony itself was conducted like it had a severe case of ADD-there was so much fast moving, multi colored, Acid inspired stuff going on simultaneously that I began to get dizzy. The music videos themselves? Didn't get them. Bands with stupid names who model their showcase songs in videos that are just weird moving versions of Salvador Dali paintings. I'm just NOT that deep-but neither are they. OOPs-I'm sorry...they're artists.
In fact, the show was SO lame that I lasted about a half an hour before I realized that I would've thanked anyone who broke into my house, put a gun to my head, and forced me to snack on brussel sprouts and watch 24 hours of C-Span rather than spend another second allowing this brain cell burning entertainment to occupy my television screen.
So it's official-I'm terminally uncool. Stamp it on my passport for all I care. I'm cool with that.
Meanwhile, does anyone have a Tom Jones CD I can borrow?
a. what the popular appeal of "Rap" is
b. how those guys can wear the equivalent of sixteen bicycle chains and a garden hose around their necks and still stand upright
c. what they are actually SAYING after they thank God (who MUST have stock invested in MTV) and start their speeches with "YOBRO"...beyond that, they might as well be speaking Dinka. Is there a "Rapper to English" translation guide I should purchase?
And the ceremony itself was conducted like it had a severe case of ADD-there was so much fast moving, multi colored, Acid inspired stuff going on simultaneously that I began to get dizzy. The music videos themselves? Didn't get them. Bands with stupid names who model their showcase songs in videos that are just weird moving versions of Salvador Dali paintings. I'm just NOT that deep-but neither are they. OOPs-I'm sorry...they're artists.
In fact, the show was SO lame that I lasted about a half an hour before I realized that I would've thanked anyone who broke into my house, put a gun to my head, and forced me to snack on brussel sprouts and watch 24 hours of C-Span rather than spend another second allowing this brain cell burning entertainment to occupy my television screen.
So it's official-I'm terminally uncool. Stamp it on my passport for all I care. I'm cool with that.
Meanwhile, does anyone have a Tom Jones CD I can borrow?
posted by Bemisdown at 8:05 PM
13 Comments:
"The Lead and How to Swing It"
Tom Jones is cool.
Tom Jones was awesome in Mars Attacks!
So does this mean I'm not officially "uncool?"
That or it says something about the company you keep...online, anyways.
::grinning::
Cake,
Ok. I get it.
(sound of bubble bursting)
TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!!!
Make us.
::cranks the volume up::
Cake,
I'm sending Suge Knight after nooprah.
And THEN let's see him try to tell US to turn down the music.
Motheragawd,
THAT'S what you get!
I had a student last year,a 10th grader, who's parents were TOTAL punk rock freaks in their day (they had a group called "The Queers" play at their wedding-(of course, they pretended they had another name so the elderly set wouldn't have heart attacks at the reception)
Anyway, this kid grew up with the Clash and the Sex Pistols (a member of whom his father was friends with).
But this kid is totally cool with it (his name is Harley-and his father's name is David-so he likes to tell people he's "HarleyDavidson.") He knows more about punk rock than I do, and I was in ENGLAND in the early 80's.
So how come OUR kids think WE'RE so uncool?
I think I'm going to adopt Harley.
I had to Google "Suge Knight"...I'm glad I don't have kids, they'd be leaving me out on the curb and hoping somebody else wanted to adopt me.
Cake,
Suge once dangled "Vanilla Ice" outside a high rise window because they had some kind of an "artistic disagreement."
See how cool I am? I know this stuff.
And kids...they secretly like us-it's just the manual they receive upon becoming teenagers states pretty specifically that they have to ACT like they hate us and that we're mutants who are in no way related to them.
And then eventually, they receive the "Young Adult" manual, providing we don't kill them first.
I love vanilla ice cream. Especially with whipped cream and sprinkles.
What?
Oh.
::puts bag on head::
Sorry Cake,
You just failed the "Cool" test.
But that DOES sound good, as long as Butterscotch syrup was included.
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