RICHARD: IDIOT OR PSYCHIC?
My brother Richard is a well known Documented Idiot. He's proud of his status, and works hard to maintain it.
Many years ago he informed me that I could cure any case of hiccups by putting a penny between my toes. Knowing what a retard he is, I suspected that his theory may not have been published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Just a hunch.
In fact, I questioned his sanity, along with a very lengthy list of other people, including his other family members and numerous law enforcement agencies.
But over the years I thought I was pretty darn funny when someone had the hiccups and I suggested they put a penny between their toes (first and second toes, by the way). I cracked MYSELF up at least (which is very important). Folks usually just gave me the same look they probably give my brother no matter what he says. It's that curious, almost frightened "What the hell are you talking about and please stay very far away from me" gaze.
But then tonight happened. I got a severe case of the hiccups. My daughter is willing to attest to its severity. I tried all of the doctor recommended remedies, but nothing worked. I thought I might actually be the first person on the planet to hiccup myself to death. But before I called 911, I did it. Swear to God. I put a penny between my toes (first and second).
And my hiccups went away. Immediately.
My brother scares me now.
Many years ago he informed me that I could cure any case of hiccups by putting a penny between my toes. Knowing what a retard he is, I suspected that his theory may not have been published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Just a hunch.
In fact, I questioned his sanity, along with a very lengthy list of other people, including his other family members and numerous law enforcement agencies.
But over the years I thought I was pretty darn funny when someone had the hiccups and I suggested they put a penny between their toes (first and second toes, by the way). I cracked MYSELF up at least (which is very important). Folks usually just gave me the same look they probably give my brother no matter what he says. It's that curious, almost frightened "What the hell are you talking about and please stay very far away from me" gaze.
But then tonight happened. I got a severe case of the hiccups. My daughter is willing to attest to its severity. I tried all of the doctor recommended remedies, but nothing worked. I thought I might actually be the first person on the planet to hiccup myself to death. But before I called 911, I did it. Swear to God. I put a penny between my toes (first and second).
And my hiccups went away. Immediately.
My brother scares me now.
posted by Bemisdown at 8:37 PM
9 Comments:
Richard was my boyhood idol.
1st and 2nd toe starting with the pinky toe as #1 or with the thumb toe as #1?
Left or right?
Barefoot or with socks on?
Thumb toe as in #1-no socks. Left or right is up to the individual hiccuper's preference.
Stuckwithacomb,
Not to bring up a sore subjcet, but you should SEE the collection of scary looking switchblades my friend's 11 year old son has.
Those things ARE cool-they all have different names and come in neat boxes....I could only think of YOU as he showed me his collection. But maybe HE doesn't have a comb.
CRIKEY!
What does "Crikey" mean????
The Crocodile *sniff* Hunter always says...err...said Crikey!
In Australian it means "I'll probably die from a fish bite"
He probably pulled out a switchblade to defend himself...and then found it was a comb.
Tragic.
Motheragawd,
I'm a slow learner.
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