STUPID STUPID KID "CONVERSATION"

A WAY too cool for school 4'2" tall Gangsta Wannabe Freshman boy strolls, with attitude, into my study hall about ten minutes late today.

Me: Where've you been?

Gangsta Wannabe: "Um." (pause for the synapses to begin firing so he can think of some REALLY clever excuse). "I was in the bathroom. Throwing up."

ME: "Please. THAT was removed from the "Excuse Manual" years ago. Unless you're pregnant. Because if you are, you REEK of cigarettes and that's not healthy for your unborn child. Maybe you should've used some cologne to hide that 'throw-up' smell instead of cigarette smoke. Should you go see the nurse?"

Gangsta Wannabe: Blank stare.

ME: (In Stern Teacher Lecture Voice) "You know son,it's only the second day of school, and I promise you that you're going to have a VERY long eight years of high school if you keep this stuff up."

Gangsta Wannabe: "Huh?"

Is it June yet?

(And before anyone even asks, Gangsta Wannabe is NOT pregnant. I checked with the school nurse. It's my job to understand when my students are experiencing personal hardships.)