Don't RALPH Me!
I work with a guy who's real name is not Ralph. He's in charge of our telegraph machines, rotary phones, and all of our other early 20th century technology courtesy of the generous taxpayers.
He's the computer guy.
And he's worse than a dork. Everyone hates him.
First, let me preface my Anti-Ralph Rant by saying that Ralph was once a student of mine. He was an unlikable dork with an overbearing mother then-he's now just a larger unlikable dork who probably still lives with his overbearing mother. No explanation required.
Anyway, the grown-ups in our school get the extra special perk of not having OUR computers censored like we were 14 year olds.
Thus, if the Sport Heads wants to check out the score for last night's game, they can.
If the Brides-To-Be want to take a quick look at some Bride-To-Be dress sites, no problem.
If the Resident Pedophiles want to peek for a moment at some porn site, then what's the harm? (KIDDING GENEROUS TAXPAYERS!!!!)
Unless Ralph decides otherwise. He must sit in the basement of the school all night and use his creepy little Ralph eyes to moniter what sites the adults frequent (Moniter THIS Ralph). Because occasionally we show up at work, log into our regular sites, and read: Access Denied. We'd been RALPHED.
ME: (yelling to colleague across the hall) "Has your computer been RALPHED?"
COLLEAGUE: "Yeah. What an Asshole!"
And so we then go to him and tell him that if he screws with our computers again we'll cut his fingers off. His life has been threatened on numerous occasions.
It's not like he doesn't deserve our collective disdain-he doesn't own anything resembling a personality, he's got a ton of far more important things to do given the state of our Yard Sale Quality technology, and he's generally a jerk to everyone.
He THINKS he's the Master Controller of all we should see, but he's just a weird fuck that everyone ignores until he tries to mess with our access to stuff. Then we get into his dorky face and he backs down.
I don't get RALPHED anymore. But if I do, you'll read about it in the local paper. And I'll be acquitted of all charges because noone should be RALPHED. Especially by Ralph.
He's the computer guy.
And he's worse than a dork. Everyone hates him.
First, let me preface my Anti-Ralph Rant by saying that Ralph was once a student of mine. He was an unlikable dork with an overbearing mother then-he's now just a larger unlikable dork who probably still lives with his overbearing mother. No explanation required.
Anyway, the grown-ups in our school get the extra special perk of not having OUR computers censored like we were 14 year olds.
Thus, if the Sport Heads wants to check out the score for last night's game, they can.
If the Brides-To-Be want to take a quick look at some Bride-To-Be dress sites, no problem.
If the Resident Pedophiles want to peek for a moment at some porn site, then what's the harm? (KIDDING GENEROUS TAXPAYERS!!!!)
Unless Ralph decides otherwise. He must sit in the basement of the school all night and use his creepy little Ralph eyes to moniter what sites the adults frequent (Moniter THIS Ralph). Because occasionally we show up at work, log into our regular sites, and read: Access Denied. We'd been RALPHED.
ME: (yelling to colleague across the hall) "Has your computer been RALPHED?"
COLLEAGUE: "Yeah. What an Asshole!"
And so we then go to him and tell him that if he screws with our computers again we'll cut his fingers off. His life has been threatened on numerous occasions.
It's not like he doesn't deserve our collective disdain-he doesn't own anything resembling a personality, he's got a ton of far more important things to do given the state of our Yard Sale Quality technology, and he's generally a jerk to everyone.
He THINKS he's the Master Controller of all we should see, but he's just a weird fuck that everyone ignores until he tries to mess with our access to stuff. Then we get into his dorky face and he backs down.
I don't get RALPHED anymore. But if I do, you'll read about it in the local paper. And I'll be acquitted of all charges because noone should be RALPHED. Especially by Ralph.
posted by Bemisdown at 2:05 PM
9 Comments:
I like you
Stay far away from me Ralph or I'll chop off more than just your fingers.
Anunomess,
The thought occurred to me that I might be able to retroactively flunk him...but then I'd just have him in my class again.
Yuk.
And I sent you an e-mail anunomess.....
Please do not be afraid.
Ralph is pretty scary...I'm spooked and repulsed at the same time.
They block some sites at my office...I live in fear of the day they decide to block blogs.
::sobs::
Or e-mail or instant messaging or or or...
I'm not going to sleep tonight.
::pours a drink::
We are monitoring you Cake (and all Cake alias')!
watching...watching...watching...
Did you just call me homely? Hmmphh!
I might have, but how would I know?
We here at Int Homely Security are really only interested in your online searches and all your keystrokes!
watching, always watching!
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