If We're Gonna HAVE To Draft
You know how they're talking about reinstituting the draft so we can win our War of Glory in Iraq? Well, I'm all over it as long as they "selectively" call certain people/groups to defend our country against whatever it is we're fighting against (or for...can't keep track).
My Personal Selective Service List?
1. All of those people who camped out in front of Best Buys across the country so they could get a PlayStation 3. They're obviously well trained for war, and seem to have a lot of time on their hands.
2. Kids With Cans in front of stores...and toss in those Salvation Army guys too.
3. Everyone who works for the Fox News Network. Double bonus: THEY get to prove their patriotism, and WE don't have to put up with them anymore.
4. Rush Limbaugh-Yeah. Ok. He can bring his Viagra AND his Oxycotin.
5. Paris Hilton..It's "Hot" in Iraq.
6. Tom Cruise: Isn't it time he came out and declared his love for men in uniform? I mean, his country?
7. George W.'s Mother "Babs." She can arrive in style, on a specially designed Air Force One Broom.
8. That obnoxious kid in my 6th Period class that I wish I could legally have castrated so he can never reproduce.
9. Anyone who alphabatizes their CD collection or needs to see a therapist because the peas got mixed in with the potatos on their dinner plate. THOSE folks would bring order.
10. And of course (how could I forget?): My ex-husband. Maybe he'd end up in Tom Cruise's "Company."
My Personal Selective Service List?
1. All of those people who camped out in front of Best Buys across the country so they could get a PlayStation 3. They're obviously well trained for war, and seem to have a lot of time on their hands.
2. Kids With Cans in front of stores...and toss in those Salvation Army guys too.
3. Everyone who works for the Fox News Network. Double bonus: THEY get to prove their patriotism, and WE don't have to put up with them anymore.
4. Rush Limbaugh-Yeah. Ok. He can bring his Viagra AND his Oxycotin.
5. Paris Hilton..It's "Hot" in Iraq.
6. Tom Cruise: Isn't it time he came out and declared his love for men in uniform? I mean, his country?
7. George W.'s Mother "Babs." She can arrive in style, on a specially designed Air Force One Broom.
8. That obnoxious kid in my 6th Period class that I wish I could legally have castrated so he can never reproduce.
9. Anyone who alphabatizes their CD collection or needs to see a therapist because the peas got mixed in with the potatos on their dinner plate. THOSE folks would bring order.
10. And of course (how could I forget?): My ex-husband. Maybe he'd end up in Tom Cruise's "Company."
posted by Bemisdown at 3:13 PM
8 Comments:
Sorry Anunomess,
But you know, you'd be REALLY handy in a messy war situation! You could organize all of the factions according to groups:
Kurds
Moderates
Sunnis
Shites
Terrorists
And then give them all chores to do to tidy up their acts. What a contribution you'd make to the world! (But finish your closets first..by season)
An
By the way, no idea what that stray "an" was about-perhaps my typing skills exposed?
And before you weigh in Clinky, I KNOW I spelled Shites wrong, but I'm not "Googling" anything right now-it's way too late and I've got a pie eating contest to judge tomorrow. Talk about stress!
Anunomess,
But you'd get a really cool uniform..with color coordinated stripes!
I hope you reconsider...
Shites happen...
11. The new co-worker who seems to dislike me and everyone else around here. She'll fit right in over in Iraq.
12. Barbra Streisand. Just because.
13. Internet/e-mail spammers.
14. Oprah! (Not NoOprah, the real Oprah).
#9 once again screws me.
NoOprah:
It bugs you when your peas are mixed in with your potatoes?
My former father-law: He's never gonna die anyway. And he'll bring the booze.
Nooprah-I wasn't aware that you were a food on plate separator. Jeeze..the things you learn around here.
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