I Heart The Great Big Store
Totally unrelated to today's subject: Go see Borat. Wicked funny!!!!
Anyway....
I had to go to the local Sam's Club to buy 5,652,000 gallons of bottled water for a school dance I stupidly agreed to sponsor. Sam's was my only option other than draining the local drinking water resevoir, so off I went.
It's been a while since I've been to Sam's, but man that place is BIG. And it's full of STUFF. BIG stuff!
I suddenly became really happy when I walked through the door. After my card was checked by the Friendly Sam's Club Store Greeter, I felt like Dorothy after she emerged from her black and white house and found herself in OZ where everything was in color.
I was in the land of unashamed conspicuous consumption and I loved it!
As you know, you can't buy ONE of anything practical at a place like Sam's because everything's packaged so you can survive in bomb shelter for three years:
Need Toilet paper? 6,500 rolls for $12.99.
Tampons? One box will last you until you reach Menopause.
Laundry Detergent? Buckets so large you'd be afraid to open them without wearing a HazMat suit.
Juice Boxes? Just grab a couple of packages and you'll be set until your kid is old enough to drink beer.
If I were rich I'd go there everyday and, I dunno, just BUY stuff. Stuff I needed, stuff I didn't need...and I'd bring it all home, marvel at the sheer amount of stuff I had, and thank God I'm an American.
But I had a mission, so I grabbed a grocery cart equivalent of a flatbed truck, loaded it up with water, and hauled it into my car. Bummer. I was at the DisneyLand of capitalism, and all I got was water.
But I'll be back-and I ain't buying water next time.
Anyway....
I had to go to the local Sam's Club to buy 5,652,000 gallons of bottled water for a school dance I stupidly agreed to sponsor. Sam's was my only option other than draining the local drinking water resevoir, so off I went.
It's been a while since I've been to Sam's, but man that place is BIG. And it's full of STUFF. BIG stuff!
I suddenly became really happy when I walked through the door. After my card was checked by the Friendly Sam's Club Store Greeter, I felt like Dorothy after she emerged from her black and white house and found herself in OZ where everything was in color.
I was in the land of unashamed conspicuous consumption and I loved it!
As you know, you can't buy ONE of anything practical at a place like Sam's because everything's packaged so you can survive in bomb shelter for three years:
Need Toilet paper? 6,500 rolls for $12.99.
Tampons? One box will last you until you reach Menopause.
Laundry Detergent? Buckets so large you'd be afraid to open them without wearing a HazMat suit.
Juice Boxes? Just grab a couple of packages and you'll be set until your kid is old enough to drink beer.
If I were rich I'd go there everyday and, I dunno, just BUY stuff. Stuff I needed, stuff I didn't need...and I'd bring it all home, marvel at the sheer amount of stuff I had, and thank God I'm an American.
But I had a mission, so I grabbed a grocery cart equivalent of a flatbed truck, loaded it up with water, and hauled it into my car. Bummer. I was at the DisneyLand of capitalism, and all I got was water.
But I'll be back-and I ain't buying water next time.
posted by Bemisdown at 3:50 PM
6 Comments:
Wow. Kids sure are lucky these days. I wish when I was in school we could have had water at our dances.
Wow.
Every year, some unlucky teacher had to go out and buy hundreds of bottles of water for students doing exams. We are not allowed to bring our own bottles, as we may write on the label.
And I agree with mortheragawd - water at a dance?
I would've provided Scorpion Bowls, but I have this attachment to my job.....
Thanks anunomess-
You wouldn't believe what we paid for it and then CHARGED for it-I suddenly understand how this whole capitalism thing works.
And besides all of you naysayers....
Been to a high school dance lately? They NEEDED the cold water or else our "dance" would've turned into a giant orgy on the gym floor.
It was as if everyone there was auditioning to be in a really really bad rap video-it was disturbing to watch.
Motheragawd,
Actually, yeah. But not to drink-just to throw on the bumping and grinding crowd every once and a while.
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