Christmas Freaks
There must be like a million people, in my neighborhood alone, who finished their turkey dinners, shoved grandma in the handicapped access van and dumped her off at the old folks home, and said "Glad THAT boring holiday is over. Yipee!!! Time to decorate for Christmas!!!"
Is there some kind of a Christmas decorating race that I don't know about?
Because literally the day after Thanksgiving it was like Holy Shit Christmas EVERYWHERE. And I'm not talking about a couple of strings of festive lights wrapped around a bush or two-I'm taking about houses that are the Christmas decorating equivalent of a Madonna concert-all flashy and over the top, lights perfectly arranged over the house, trees, yard, cars, kids.....and these folks pulled this off in one night????
And now there are those popular inflatable Christmas characters that are as big as the Hindeburg and about as adorable as that huge Pillsbury Doughboy in GhostBusters-they're creepy. I haven't seen an inflatable Manger Scene yet, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere with the Baby Jesus, once inflated, the size of your average NBA player.
I like Christmas and all, but does your house REALLY have to illuminate an entire county to prove your holiday spirit? And if one of those fucking inflatable creatures gets loose and comes after me (they come alive at night...I just know it) I'm suing.
Is there some kind of a Christmas decorating race that I don't know about?
Because literally the day after Thanksgiving it was like Holy Shit Christmas EVERYWHERE. And I'm not talking about a couple of strings of festive lights wrapped around a bush or two-I'm taking about houses that are the Christmas decorating equivalent of a Madonna concert-all flashy and over the top, lights perfectly arranged over the house, trees, yard, cars, kids.....and these folks pulled this off in one night????
And now there are those popular inflatable Christmas characters that are as big as the Hindeburg and about as adorable as that huge Pillsbury Doughboy in GhostBusters-they're creepy. I haven't seen an inflatable Manger Scene yet, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere with the Baby Jesus, once inflated, the size of your average NBA player.
I like Christmas and all, but does your house REALLY have to illuminate an entire county to prove your holiday spirit? And if one of those fucking inflatable creatures gets loose and comes after me (they come alive at night...I just know it) I'm suing.
posted by Bemisdown at 2:45 PM
25 Comments:
I'm bored, so I'm gonna respond to myself.
I totally agree with you B-Down about the Christmas Freaks.
Good thing WE'RE normal!
Yeah! I'm with you guys!
Us too!
Hey,
I heard you want to get adopted-where do I sign up?
Finally George....
Glad all those letters didn't scare you away!
Whoa There George...
I've got the adoption papers right here, all ready to be signed.
And I'm way too cool to mess with
Hold on guys....
I'm sure there's a civil way we can settle this.
How about a thumb wrestling contest Mr. "I'm So Cool" Washington????
::Yawns and Stretches::
I just had the BEST dream!!!!
Anunomess,
Not to worry. I talk to myself all the time. I'm a teacher!
Sounds like you've got some serious recycling woes....it's a lot easier just to trash the planet.
anunomess,
You just cracked me up. I'm Mr. Magoo when I'm driving at night to begin with-let alone when some festive holiday house decides to flick off the blinding rays of lights from heaven without warning...we're talking a serious traffic safety issue here.
And my ex had a big bubble of flying bats in front of house during Haloween...but he's a dork...maybe he should move in with the Griswalds.
And one last thing anunomess before I slip back into my George/Denzel Dream...
I don't rant. I simply reflect, profoundly, about the obvious. In a bitchy manner.
That's what Deep Thinkers do. That said, if there's not a Law & Order episode on tonight that I haven't already seen, I'm gonna be REALLY pissed.
Hey BD,
Sorry to intrude on your dream, but could you send either George or Denzel my way once you decide who you are going to keep ;)
Boston Legal's on tonight...DENNY CRANE!
But surely there's a Law and Order on, too..aren't there like 50 different versions of that show now?? It's like CSI...it just keeps spawning spin-offs...
By the way, George says hi (the adoption papers went through earlier today, sorry!)
AND...did you get the bat? You're not really leaving us in suspense?!
(Just please don't tell me it was really a giant inflatable bat that just got loose...)
Oh no! Was the bat okay? (and are you sure it was a bat and not a pterodactyl?)
I'm going to choose to believe that the bat flew away safely and went on to raise a huge family of falcon-sized monsters...all of whom knew from birth to stay away from houses, butterfly nets, and frightening inflatable Christmas ornaments. (Look! We came full circle! ::high-fives::)
Ummm,
That would be my blog ladies! Remeber me??? George Clooney or Denzel Washington's daughter???? (By the way, I wouldn't count my Clooney's quite yet cake-things move slow in Italy...or maybe we could just be sisters so T can have Denzel...)
Which unfortunately leaves anunomess with batty stories...but she can come visit us at the Villa!
(and by the way anunomess-in that scenario, I'D have been "Jen" screaming in the kitchen-you really DO have superpowers!!!)
BD - thank you for Denzel. I will take good care of him!
Anu - bats...I agree with BD, very scary...
I went to work the day after Thanksgiving and when I came home the entire outside of the house was lighted up, two X-mas trees were up (family room/Living room) decorations all over the house, wreaths on the doors etc.
It's tradition and I didn't have to lift a finger.
I hope that is a tradition also.
Nooprah,
We ALL need a wife!
At least you didn't find an inflatable Baby Jesus in your front yard.
And thanks for the bat offer anunomess...
But if I find one, I STILL might be a Jen about it.
T-
No problem about Denzel....but can I borrow him every once and a while?
Okay, so I was just at the post office, which is in a drugstore...which was selling BUBBLES WITH SANTA IN THEM, WITH REAL (FAKE) SNOW BLOWING AROUND INSIDE! Just like Anunomess described yesterday.
I just don't get it.
I think I need to lie down.
Anunomess,
You know, if they're not killing turkeys with pitchforks and baseball bats (Which, by the way, was an act that PETA, on its national websight, said was one of the most disturbing incidents they'd heard about in years....) then they're popping the inflatable fake ones.
That said, does anyone wanna go Santa Popping with me tonight???
Cake,
A Post Office? In a Drugstore? Now THAT'S confusing.
Hope they don't sell guns and ammunition there too.
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