That Was MY kid???
If you've ever spent any amount of time with 14 year old girls (and not in the Creepy Registered Sex Offender sense) you figure out pretty quickly they're not a bunch of Mother Theresa's.
In fact, we should probably call our professional troops home from Iraq and replace them with thousands of American Middle and High School girls. Two weeks, tops, and all of the anti-American elements there would give us ANYTHING we wanted.
Shiite's: "Oh, you wanted OIL? It's right over there. All yours. Can you pick up the girls now?"
Sunnis: "LOVE Democracy!!! In fact, we're all SO psyched for another election!!! Right everyone??? So what time are you coming to get the girls?"
Terrorists: " Please. Take our bombs. And our vests. We insist. We love America!!! OOOPs-it's getting late! Bet the girls need to go home now!!!"
They'd bitch our way to victory.
I own one, and let's just say she's not the "funnest" person I've ever been around. This is the kind of stuff I hear on a pretty regular basis:
"I hate you I love you I hate you I love you......"
"Oh MY GAWD AHHHH MOM!!!"
"Can you pick up Katrina and Melissa and Kelly and drop us off at Kelly's house and then come get us and take us to the mall and don't come near us at the mall and then pick us up and take us to Katrina's and when I call you come and take us to the movies and pick us up at 11:00 and stop off at McDonald's and get me an Oreo Cookie McFlurry and don't say ANYTHING in front of my friends...."
"Oh MY GOD AHHHH MOM!!!! Don't drive through Main Street! I have a huge zit on my face and my hair looks NASTY and if anyone sees me I'm gonna shoot myself!!!"
You get the picture. I keep working on a "deeper" relationship, but it's pretty rough getting through this hormone infested half cooked frontal lobe phase.
But then there are moments....
My daughter performed at a local show the other night. For HOURS beforehand, she bitched about her hair, her outfit, her sister....bitch bitch bitch double whine bitchfest. Again, luckily, I am heavily medicated.
And then she got up on stage and sang. Suddenly Satan's Spawn transformed into this beautiful young girl who's melodic and powerful voice filled the room, capitvating everyone. (The blonde in the limo was in the audience so there's a third party to attest to how amazing she was-you can never trust a mother for these kinds of assessments.)
I kept thinking "Is that MY kid??????? Where did Helen Hormone go???" And of course I cried. Despite heavy medication.
So I guess I'll keep her. And don't accuse me of being overly sentimental-I love her, but I only sort of LIKE her right now. But eventually she'll morph into a normal human being, and by then I'll be tanning by a poolside somewhere on her dime. She owes me.
In fact, we should probably call our professional troops home from Iraq and replace them with thousands of American Middle and High School girls. Two weeks, tops, and all of the anti-American elements there would give us ANYTHING we wanted.
Shiite's: "Oh, you wanted OIL? It's right over there. All yours. Can you pick up the girls now?"
Sunnis: "LOVE Democracy!!! In fact, we're all SO psyched for another election!!! Right everyone??? So what time are you coming to get the girls?"
Terrorists: " Please. Take our bombs. And our vests. We insist. We love America!!! OOOPs-it's getting late! Bet the girls need to go home now!!!"
They'd bitch our way to victory.
I own one, and let's just say she's not the "funnest" person I've ever been around. This is the kind of stuff I hear on a pretty regular basis:
"I hate you I love you I hate you I love you......"
"Oh MY GAWD AHHHH MOM!!!"
"Can you pick up Katrina and Melissa and Kelly and drop us off at Kelly's house and then come get us and take us to the mall and don't come near us at the mall and then pick us up and take us to Katrina's and when I call you come and take us to the movies and pick us up at 11:00 and stop off at McDonald's and get me an Oreo Cookie McFlurry and don't say ANYTHING in front of my friends...."
"Oh MY GOD AHHHH MOM!!!! Don't drive through Main Street! I have a huge zit on my face and my hair looks NASTY and if anyone sees me I'm gonna shoot myself!!!"
You get the picture. I keep working on a "deeper" relationship, but it's pretty rough getting through this hormone infested half cooked frontal lobe phase.
But then there are moments....
My daughter performed at a local show the other night. For HOURS beforehand, she bitched about her hair, her outfit, her sister....bitch bitch bitch double whine bitchfest. Again, luckily, I am heavily medicated.
And then she got up on stage and sang. Suddenly Satan's Spawn transformed into this beautiful young girl who's melodic and powerful voice filled the room, capitvating everyone. (The blonde in the limo was in the audience so there's a third party to attest to how amazing she was-you can never trust a mother for these kinds of assessments.)
I kept thinking "Is that MY kid??????? Where did Helen Hormone go???" And of course I cried. Despite heavy medication.
So I guess I'll keep her. And don't accuse me of being overly sentimental-I love her, but I only sort of LIKE her right now. But eventually she'll morph into a normal human being, and by then I'll be tanning by a poolside somewhere on her dime. She owes me.
posted by Bemisdown at 10:21 AM
9 Comments:
I was gonna go up and see her then I remembered I watch TV during the week and on weekends so I couldn't make it.
mzmatch,
Consider your spot saved.
And I'm sure we could find a tv for nooprah-maybe like the one "Rainman" used so he wouldn't miss his favorite shows!
I would've gone...but the commute was too much.
And, of course, I watch tv, too.
And there were scary wasps in the way.
Anyways, it's good that teenagers have redeeming points, huh? Or else parents would just ship 'em off between the ages of 12- 18!
I would've commuted but I had no limo.
Better?
Ohhh okay, I'll think up another excuse...
I had to wash my hair?
PHEW!!
Cake,
Here is my sister's theory re: teenagers.
Babies are born really cute and stay that way for 11-12 years. By that point you've grown to like them to much to get rid of them when they transform into teenagers.
Makes sense to me!
Ah hah! So Mother Nature lulls you into liking them enough to put up with the teen years...that makes perfect sense to me.
Glad your daughter's performance seems to have gone so well...she really does have an awfully nice voice. Here's hoping for that early retirement! Let me know when you have the pool in...I'll bring the snacks.
Motheragawd,
Love the "Scooter" name-imagine how dead I'd be if she knew?
Ok: mzmatch brings the sunblock, cake brings the snacks, and motheragawd can bring the Holy Wine.
I, of course, will provide the pool, assuming that "Scooter" does HER job.
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