They Slaughter Turkeys, Don' They?
This is a PUBLIC story, all over the local T.V. stations and newspapers, so I'm allowed to write about it.
The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution, The Articles of Confederation, The Gettysburg Address, The Geneva Conventions, and The Reader's Digest all say so. Along with the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval People.
I had a student last year who, to put it delicately, I didn't admire. He didn't think much of me either, so we pretty much fought WWII, condensed into one academic year, everyday. It was a lot of fun...the teacher equivalent of reinacting the first 20 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" each morning.
To make matters worse, "Bobby" (absolutely NOT his real name) has one of those mothers who earned her PHD in "My Son Does Nothing Wrong He's Just Misunderstood And It's Everybody Else's Fault And You're Just Out To Get Him And I'm Going To File A Lawsuit." Framed, it must take up an entire wall in her office.
"Bobby wasn't drunk when he slammed his truck into a tree on the way to school....he drank AFTER the accident because he was so stressed." (damn good thing he had the foresight to stash a pint of vodka under his front seat at 7 AM just in case this type of situation arose.)
Mom and I weren't exactly "tight," to say the least. We had "polite" disagreements: SHE: "My son's an angel." ME: "Your son's a Sociopath."
Anyway, "Bobby" graduated, and decided to spend a night this past weekend with a buddy, get all liquored up, break into a turkey farm and bludgeon 20 or so birds to death with a pitchfork, a baseball bat, and a shovel. Just a fun night out with the boys! My colleagues suggested that he was probably screaming my name as he butchered the birds.
After his mugshot was flashed all over T.V., he had a court arraignment where he shuffled in, hiding his head in the "professional perp pose," and heard the charges. Afterwards, someone in the courtroom yelled "I love you "Bobby!"
While some folks suggested it might have been me, I simply couldn't get the time off to support him....wonder who it could have been?
Happy very early Thanksgiving everyone!
The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution, The Articles of Confederation, The Gettysburg Address, The Geneva Conventions, and The Reader's Digest all say so. Along with the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval People.
I had a student last year who, to put it delicately, I didn't admire. He didn't think much of me either, so we pretty much fought WWII, condensed into one academic year, everyday. It was a lot of fun...the teacher equivalent of reinacting the first 20 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" each morning.
To make matters worse, "Bobby" (absolutely NOT his real name) has one of those mothers who earned her PHD in "My Son Does Nothing Wrong He's Just Misunderstood And It's Everybody Else's Fault And You're Just Out To Get Him And I'm Going To File A Lawsuit." Framed, it must take up an entire wall in her office.
"Bobby wasn't drunk when he slammed his truck into a tree on the way to school....he drank AFTER the accident because he was so stressed." (damn good thing he had the foresight to stash a pint of vodka under his front seat at 7 AM just in case this type of situation arose.)
Mom and I weren't exactly "tight," to say the least. We had "polite" disagreements: SHE: "My son's an angel." ME: "Your son's a Sociopath."
Anyway, "Bobby" graduated, and decided to spend a night this past weekend with a buddy, get all liquored up, break into a turkey farm and bludgeon 20 or so birds to death with a pitchfork, a baseball bat, and a shovel. Just a fun night out with the boys! My colleagues suggested that he was probably screaming my name as he butchered the birds.
After his mugshot was flashed all over T.V., he had a court arraignment where he shuffled in, hiding his head in the "professional perp pose," and heard the charges. Afterwards, someone in the courtroom yelled "I love you "Bobby!"
While some folks suggested it might have been me, I simply couldn't get the time off to support him....wonder who it could have been?
Happy very early Thanksgiving everyone!
posted by Bemisdown at 3:43 PM
9 Comments:
All of the above. Good thing he doesn't know where I live.
And I think I got Bird Flu just by writing that. Or is that just chicken? (tastes like chicken)
Or maybe Dr. Whammy should visit him personally in jail.
Me and my big thumpin' stick will be happy to visit him, if someone buys me a plane ticket.
(Anunomess: I got loose again! Heh, heh. Clinky's a really poor warden...)
Cake,
Hang onto that big thumpin' stick...Birdman will probably need some visitors soon.
I'd love to accompany you but I don't think I'm on the Acceptable Visitors List.
But you can borrow my pitchfork if you'd like....
I'm all packed! The airlines say my thumpin' stick isn't allowed on board so I'll take you up on the offer of the pitchfork.
Don't tell Anunomess I'm here, though...I slipped away while she was watching Boston Legal. Shhh.
Where have I heard this story before? I can't quite put my finger on it...wait for it...yes. That's it...
Chaper 1 of "The Life and Times of Mary Kay Letourneau"
Available in the Chick Lit section of your local bookstore.
Anunomess,
Inspired idea!!!! But isn't mixing Halloween with Thanksgiving a Holiday Faux Pax? Oh, who cares. "Trick or Treat!!! Gobble Gobble Gobble...!"
And the pitchfork is ready for you Cake (I think-I may have to borrow one, slightly used, from "Bobby.")
Clinky,
I'll give that you're a robot and all, but take it back. Or else you might be sicker than Birdman.
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