WAY Too Confusing
As I've mentioned before, my oldest daughter is running on her school's Cross Country team.
Before she started I thought she would be "fast." I now need to ammend that prediction by stating that at least she's never "last."
Anyway, she doesn't attend the school where I teach, and the other day her team had a meet against my school.
After 20 years of hollering "Go Blue!!!!" I suddenly found myself having a "Crisis of Loyalty." So I decided to be an Equal Opportunity Chearleader, a wishy washy fan of the sport who "just wants ALL of the children to do well." Secretly wishing, of course, that my daughter would be wearing jet propelled sneakers and would blow through the course in record speed. I also wish I would win the lottery.
Unfortunately,(OOPS. I mean "Fortunately!") my school has some "Nasty" long distance runners.
("Nasty," according to Webster's Dictionary of Stupid Adolescent Lingo, means 'Really Really Good.').
So my daughter plodded through the course, and as she came towards the finish (not quite last) a girl from the Blue team was right on her heels. So Blue Coach starting screaming at her to "MOVE IT!!!! RUN!!!! DON'T LET HER TAKE YOU!!! (He's a bit more aninimate than my daughter's coach.)
Scared the SHIT out of my daughter, and she bolted faster than I've ever seen her run. She beat BlueGirl, and I thanked the Blue Coach for giving her that extra push.
Afterwards, of course, my daughter complained about the following:
"I look like CRAP!"
"I HATE long distances. I want to run from there-pointing to one end of the athlectic field-to THERE-pointing to the other end."
"Some of the girls from your school are WICKED bitches." (A conclusion she arrived at after profound contemplation resulting from a few 30 second introductions.)
At least she thinks her boobs are getting bigger due to the daily workouts. And her calves, she told me recently, are "nasty!"
Before she started I thought she would be "fast." I now need to ammend that prediction by stating that at least she's never "last."
Anyway, she doesn't attend the school where I teach, and the other day her team had a meet against my school.
After 20 years of hollering "Go Blue!!!!" I suddenly found myself having a "Crisis of Loyalty." So I decided to be an Equal Opportunity Chearleader, a wishy washy fan of the sport who "just wants ALL of the children to do well." Secretly wishing, of course, that my daughter would be wearing jet propelled sneakers and would blow through the course in record speed. I also wish I would win the lottery.
Unfortunately,(OOPS. I mean "Fortunately!") my school has some "Nasty" long distance runners.
("Nasty," according to Webster's Dictionary of Stupid Adolescent Lingo, means 'Really Really Good.').
So my daughter plodded through the course, and as she came towards the finish (not quite last) a girl from the Blue team was right on her heels. So Blue Coach starting screaming at her to "MOVE IT!!!! RUN!!!! DON'T LET HER TAKE YOU!!! (He's a bit more aninimate than my daughter's coach.)
Scared the SHIT out of my daughter, and she bolted faster than I've ever seen her run. She beat BlueGirl, and I thanked the Blue Coach for giving her that extra push.
Afterwards, of course, my daughter complained about the following:
"I look like CRAP!"
"I HATE long distances. I want to run from there-pointing to one end of the athlectic field-to THERE-pointing to the other end."
"Some of the girls from your school are WICKED bitches." (A conclusion she arrived at after profound contemplation resulting from a few 30 second introductions.)
At least she thinks her boobs are getting bigger due to the daily workouts. And her calves, she told me recently, are "nasty!"
posted by Bemisdown at 5:12 PM
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