Things That Should Be Illegal
The following should be made illegal based on the results of objective scientific studies which prove, indisputedly, that I don't like them:
1. Any car driving behind you that looks like a police car.
2. Any car driving behind you that IS a police car.
3. Any show, movie, mini-series etc. that even has a cameo appearance by Sarah Jessica Parker
4. Peanut Butter ice cream-it's just not meant to be. Ask God if you doubt me on this one
5. Kids With Cans
6. Recipes that include beets or brussel sprouts
7. Madonna's pretentious affected British accent (You're from MICHIGAN, asshole)-or maybe we should just outlaw Madonna altogether
8. Super Mothers who put helmets on their kids' heads to take a walk around the block, purchase only politically correct toys (yeah, like you son's not going to pick up a stick and pretend it's a gun?),chat with you at your kid's soccer game about how many activities THEIR kids are involved in, complain that their kids' aren't being challenged enough at pre-school, and are sure there's a pedophile lurking around every corner. Please shut up.
9. Taco Bell (sorry nooprah-I just don't know how you do it)
10. People in the grocery store in front of you who have 20 items in the "10 Items or Less" lane and then use a check to pay. They should be arrested, prosecuted, and executed on the spot.
11. Really loud motorcycles with drivers who feel the need to "rev the engine" at red lights. We get it-you have a really loud motorcycle and
a very small penis.
12. Organized Religions. They're mostly just stupid, but sometimes scary.
13. Most Republicans (refer to the above comment). Let me qualify that statement-it should be LEGAL for you to be a Republican, but ILLEGAL for you to vote.
That's all I've got right now. Feel free to add or yell at me. From a distance. But you can't argue with the hard facts of scientific research.
1. Any car driving behind you that looks like a police car.
2. Any car driving behind you that IS a police car.
3. Any show, movie, mini-series etc. that even has a cameo appearance by Sarah Jessica Parker
4. Peanut Butter ice cream-it's just not meant to be. Ask God if you doubt me on this one
5. Kids With Cans
6. Recipes that include beets or brussel sprouts
7. Madonna's pretentious affected British accent (You're from MICHIGAN, asshole)-or maybe we should just outlaw Madonna altogether
8. Super Mothers who put helmets on their kids' heads to take a walk around the block, purchase only politically correct toys (yeah, like you son's not going to pick up a stick and pretend it's a gun?),chat with you at your kid's soccer game about how many activities THEIR kids are involved in, complain that their kids' aren't being challenged enough at pre-school, and are sure there's a pedophile lurking around every corner. Please shut up.
9. Taco Bell (sorry nooprah-I just don't know how you do it)
10. People in the grocery store in front of you who have 20 items in the "10 Items or Less" lane and then use a check to pay. They should be arrested, prosecuted, and executed on the spot.
11. Really loud motorcycles with drivers who feel the need to "rev the engine" at red lights. We get it-you have a really loud motorcycle and
a very small penis.
12. Organized Religions. They're mostly just stupid, but sometimes scary.
13. Most Republicans (refer to the above comment). Let me qualify that statement-it should be LEGAL for you to be a Republican, but ILLEGAL for you to vote.
That's all I've got right now. Feel free to add or yell at me. From a distance. But you can't argue with the hard facts of scientific research.
posted by Bemisdown at 1:03 PM
16 Comments:
14. Zucchini in baked goods.
15. Nancy Grace.
16. People who keep telling me I'm going to change my mind any day now and want children.
17. White wine.
18. Firedrills on rainy/cold days.
19. Pennies.
20. Wasps.
Cake,
I'm with you on the "firedrills" on cold/rainy days. There's NO reason, except an actual fire, to make us do this, unless they want to give us a "head's up" on what misery feels like.
Who's Nancy Grace?
Oh-and I'm also opposed to anything sweet added into turkey stuffing. Like zucchini in baked goods...it's just not natural.
Anunomess,
I placed my scientific findings in no particular order.
But the commercial jingles...now you've got THAT one stuck in my head. I feel the need to order new carpets immediately. But how about the furniture store commercials? They're messing with our heads.
I can't tell which one is Ernie and which one is Phil.
Just another way to screw with our heads.
"In the future, all restaurants will be Taco Bell"
Hey Holy Holy Mother,
I KNOW I'm popular. I hang out with cheerleaders everyday.
Or does that make me just weird? Given that I'm 70 and all...
Sometimes you Holy Folks get stuck in a loop. It happens when you're Blessed.
But 26 responses? I think I should run for a Senate seat now.
And yeah, it's Bernie And Phyl-I still can't tell the two apart. ONE of them had a sex change operation though-I think it was Phyl-and I'm sure she/he searched around for a doctor who could provide "Quality Comfort and Price."
Clinky,
If that's the case, then I'm going to learn how to cook. At home. Without a drivethrough.
My children will be devastated, but I won't live in a Taco Bell World.
And Holy Mother,
You are now my official campaign manager since you obviously know how to make one vote turn into 20-did you attend the "Bush Institute for Winning Elections" or something?
33 comments! Ha!! Very nice, Motheragawd! You're more pointlessly annoying than ME!
Nancy Grace is a freaky freak on CNN...I don't want anyone else's kids...zucchini in muffins is gross...
And LOST season 2 is hopelessly addictive. Must get back to it...
No she's not.
I kinda like Republicans. Or Winners as they're better known as.
You don't think Nancy Grace is a freaky freak?
Huh. How 'bout that.
(I love pretending to be dense...that's right, in this case I am actually just pretending.)
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-2357726,00.html
Wow.
I got nothing...but...wow.
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