Vanity Plates and Bumper Stickers
I don't agree with them.
Yesterday I was driving behind this enourmous SUV/Truck thingy, the kind of vehicle that has to stop every three miles or so to get gas, and its license plate said "4X4." Duh. The owner went out of his way and paid extra money to get a license plate that not only stated the obvious, but was a commentary on the kind of ENGINE he had. Please explain what that's all about.
All sorts of people get vanity plates, and most of the time they tell us more about the lives of the strangers we're passing on the highway than we care to know. The really retarded, mostly young girls, get plates with their actual names or stupid nicknames on them. "Wave to 'Cathee' kids!" "Hey, that must be 'ElaineXX'!" Idiots.
The VERY lucky manage to get plates that say things like "SEXIMOM" or "2CUTE4U." And most of the time one glance demonstrates they are neither. I can't imagine going to the Registry of Moter Vehicles and asking the cheerful person behind the counter "What kind of vanity plate names do you have for someone who is blonde with large breasts?" (Note to those of you who still ride the "short bus" to school or work: If you're blonde with large breasts, guys will notice. Vanity plates are not required.)
Bumper stickers are less annoying, but equally stupid. There's always some car that has so many bumper stickers plastered on them that you can sum up the driver's entire life with one quick read.
Liberal Blowhard: 'Free Tibet.' 'Arms Are For Hugging.' 'Lesbian on Board.' (I made that one up, but I'll bet it would sell.) 'Keep Your Laws Off My Body.' Etc.
Conservative Blowhard: 'A Baby Is Not A Choice.' 'God Bless Our Troops.' 'If
Guns Were Outlawed Only Outlaws Will Have Guns.' 'Reagan Is Still Alive In My Heart.' (Again-made that one up-but it would sell!) Etc....
By far the most obnoxious bumper sticker is the one that says "God Is My Co-Pilot." Hey jerkoff, you're driving a CAR, not a 747 Passenger Plane. You can drive ALL BY YOURSELF, legally!"
My daughter especially hates that one, because it reminds her of that Carrie Underwood song "Jesus Take the Wheel." For some reason, that song just pisses her off. It was on the radio one day and she said "Go ahead mom. I dare you. Let Jesus take the wheel." And I said "We'll just end up in a ditch. And my insurance will go up."
But to be fair, I won't let my own family off the hook here. My sister has a bumper sticker on her car that says "I Love My Family." Again, Duh. Did the store run out of "My Family Sucks" stickers?
Yesterday I was driving behind this enourmous SUV/Truck thingy, the kind of vehicle that has to stop every three miles or so to get gas, and its license plate said "4X4." Duh. The owner went out of his way and paid extra money to get a license plate that not only stated the obvious, but was a commentary on the kind of ENGINE he had. Please explain what that's all about.
All sorts of people get vanity plates, and most of the time they tell us more about the lives of the strangers we're passing on the highway than we care to know. The really retarded, mostly young girls, get plates with their actual names or stupid nicknames on them. "Wave to 'Cathee' kids!" "Hey, that must be 'ElaineXX'!" Idiots.
The VERY lucky manage to get plates that say things like "SEXIMOM" or "2CUTE4U." And most of the time one glance demonstrates they are neither. I can't imagine going to the Registry of Moter Vehicles and asking the cheerful person behind the counter "What kind of vanity plate names do you have for someone who is blonde with large breasts?" (Note to those of you who still ride the "short bus" to school or work: If you're blonde with large breasts, guys will notice. Vanity plates are not required.)
Bumper stickers are less annoying, but equally stupid. There's always some car that has so many bumper stickers plastered on them that you can sum up the driver's entire life with one quick read.
Liberal Blowhard: 'Free Tibet.' 'Arms Are For Hugging.' 'Lesbian on Board.' (I made that one up, but I'll bet it would sell.) 'Keep Your Laws Off My Body.' Etc.
Conservative Blowhard: 'A Baby Is Not A Choice.' 'God Bless Our Troops.' 'If
Guns Were Outlawed Only Outlaws Will Have Guns.' 'Reagan Is Still Alive In My Heart.' (Again-made that one up-but it would sell!) Etc....
By far the most obnoxious bumper sticker is the one that says "God Is My Co-Pilot." Hey jerkoff, you're driving a CAR, not a 747 Passenger Plane. You can drive ALL BY YOURSELF, legally!"
My daughter especially hates that one, because it reminds her of that Carrie Underwood song "Jesus Take the Wheel." For some reason, that song just pisses her off. It was on the radio one day and she said "Go ahead mom. I dare you. Let Jesus take the wheel." And I said "We'll just end up in a ditch. And my insurance will go up."
But to be fair, I won't let my own family off the hook here. My sister has a bumper sticker on her car that says "I Love My Family." Again, Duh. Did the store run out of "My Family Sucks" stickers?
posted by Bemisdown at 12:01 PM
8 Comments:
Anunomess,
I hope you scraped THAT one off your used car real quick.
Good entries-I just couldn't think of them all.
"Reagan Is Still Alive In My Heart."
You didn't make that one up...you saw it on NoOprah's car, admit it.
Cake,
Nope. Made it up. But nooprah would DEFINITELY slap in on his car.
He doesn't strike me as the type to put bumper stickers on his car...
So, I'll give you a nice bottle of wine to print one up and put it on his car for him...I'll even take the blame for it, I'm far enough away to be perfectly safe. Ha! It's the perfect crime.
cake,
Wouldn't a "HILLARY 2008" bumper sticker be mucj more fun for Nooprah's car?
I always notice the crappier the car the more chances of it having a sticker bashing Bush.
Rarely do you see a nice car with a anti-Bush sticker.
Hmmmmmmm......
Bemisdown:
Good point! It'd have to be really big and shiny, though...maybe with a picture of good ole Hillary, smiling away.
(I'm grinning just thinking of it. Ha!)
Perfect for NoOprah.
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